As Much As We Hate the Hypocrisy of Thanksgiving Being Blended with Capitalism, We Also Like Having Health Insurance, And Mike’s Scurvy Is As Bad As We Stated Last Year (So Every Dollar Spent At Dive Alaska is Basically a Donation to a Make-A-Wish Mike)’
Letter From An Absentee Editor
It’s that time of year again! You know what time it is! Everybody loves this time of year.
IT’S TIME FOR A RAMBLING, LONG-FORM, EMAIL ANNOUNCEMENT ON SALES THAT COULD HAVE BEEN CONDENSED INTO MAYBE 500 WORDS, BUT INSTEAD IS STRAIGHT OFF-THE-CUFF FROM A MAN WHO GOT DISMISSED FROM JURY DUTY ONCE BECAUSE HE CAN READ THE MINDS OF MOST HOUSEHOLD PETS, AND FELT THAT GAVE HIM AN UNFAIR ADVANTAGE.
THE ATTORNEYS AND JUDGE AGREED, SO HE WAS CORRECT IN HIS ASSESMENT.
My goodness, is it cold outside.
The shock of getting back from Egypt into our lovely climate (great time, by the way; shout-out all the humans that made that one happen) may have destroyed my psyche.
And no, it wasn’t already destroyed, thankyouverymuch.
That means these deals (or “dills”, like the pickle) are in effect Monday to Saturday, November 24th-29th.
No, you can’t get the deals early or late. Yes, you can call in. No, we’re not retroactively honoring sales from anything purchased six months ago. That is not how sales work, and the fact we recently migrated our point-of-sale and inventory record keeping to a new system has almost nothing to do with that decision. All our records are intact.
They’re just intact in the same way that having an encyclopedia in a language you don’t speak is an intact encyclopedia.
EVERYTHING’S FINE, WHY DO YOU ASK?
*ahem*
Anyway, it has been a long time since we did one of these. I’ll take a lot of the blame for that. We refuse to use AI for any and all social media or publications, which is a nice high-minded ideal and valuation of “human touch”, until you consider the reality that I apparently refuse to sit down and write anything, ever. Which is a long way of saying that for all the talking I love doing, there is apparently an inverse relationship to my desire to write.
Cut me some slack; I’m barely literate. Most people could use a Ouija Board to spell out words faster than I can type.
Anyway, as we all know, the true spirit of Thanksgiving is active and enthusiastic participation in unbridled, late-stage capitalism. And we’re here to serve that up. If it means that Mike can get continued care for his scurvy, great. If it means we can just gift him his annual holiday orange (maybe even “oranges”-plural, depending on how things go), even better.
We see no pitfalls in that logic, and we’ve checked with the smartest minds and greatest philosophers of the ages.
To make it worth your while, we will include images from our recent Egypt trip, so there are nice things to look at along the way.
Tee’s & Sea’s
(Table of Contents, get it?)
- A Cave-ing Knight: Alaska Karst Unified Exploration Project Evening Fireside Chat with Ron and Alex Fancher (Wednesday, November 26th, 6:00 PM)
- Call Us Sea Rats, Cuz We Halve Sails
- Used/Refurbished/Rental Equipment
- Scuba Equipment
- Freediving Equipment
- Training & Rental
- Miscellaneous
- We Don’t Know If These Deals Count As “Actionable Threats” But We Are Saying Them Like They Aren’t
- Holiday Hours (The Eve’s, Christmas, New Years)
- Jingle All the Way (2 Sum Shop Events)
- Winter Formal…. Class Offering (For Offered Classes)
A Cave-ing Knight: Alaska Karst Unified Exploration Project Evening Fireside Chat
Just realized this should have been called “The AKUEP Talk-Up.”
Oh well. No use crying over spilt milk. A fancy kombucha…. that may be worth a tear. But not milk; it was probably skim anyway.
And skimming is what this event is about!
Towards the end of our Thanksgiving Monthly Mixer, from 6:00-7:30 PM, Wednesday, November 26th, please join Dive Alaska for a recap of the 2025 Alaska Karst Unified Exploration Project.
This is an overview of one of the most unique underwater exploration projects anywhere in the world, let alone in the state of Alaska, and team members Ron and Alex Fancher are excited to share some of the ongoing exploration, goals, and development of the project from its formal inception in 2024, and what the future holds for underwater cave exploration in Alaska.
Admission is free, food will be provided (it is a Mixer, after all), and bring anything you want to drink, as well as any CaveQuestions that you may have!
Call Us Sea Rats, Cuz We Halve Sails
Well, we’re just going to get right into it, now aren’t we?
Below is a quick breakdown of the sales we are running for the duration of Black Friday week. Each section is probably related to the title, but these went from a semi-formal structure, to reeeeaaallll stream-of-conscious, without anyone really realizing what was happening until it was too late.
Every try to re-assemble a shed that’s actively on fire?
If you have, there’s a space for you on our advertising and marketing team.
Anyway, here’s Wonderwall…
And sails.
- Used/Refurbished/Rental Equipment
- Scuba Equipment
- Freediving Equipment
- Training & Rental
- Miscellaneous
- We Don’t Know If These Deals Count As “Actionable Threats” But We Are Saying Them Like They Aren’t. Also, Just Bribes.
Used/Refurbished/Rental Equipment
- 50%-off all demo primary light heads (four available). Includes light head, attachment hardware, E/O cord, and goodman handle. Demo battery canisters can be purchased with a demo light head for $250-off.
- Compact, Emergency Oxygen Kit for $494.20!
- Kits come complete with MTV regulator, emergency oxygen cylinder, non-breather mask, tubing, multi-function regulator, pocket mask, and carry case.
- We only have two of these, and when they’re gone, they’re gone.
- Refurbished AL80, Matey!
- Buy one AL80 (fresh hydro and VIP) for $250.
- Buy two AL80’s for $225 p/tank.
- Buy three AL80’s for $200 p/tank.
- Buy 4+ AL80’s for $175 p/tank (no limit, besides what we have in-stock).
- Rental regulator sets available for $555.55! These are all Scubapro regulators, fully serviceable, and entirely functional for warm and cold water diving.
- Buy any rental line drysuit, and get a free rental line undergarment.
- Flat-Rate Rental Equipment Pricing:
- Any rental wetsuit is just $69.69.
- $39.39 for any pair of rental gloves or hood.
- $15.15 for any rental pair of neoprene booties.
- Any rental mask/snorkel combo for $32.32.
Scuba Equipment
Exposure Protection
- Purchase of any Premium line drysuit comes with a free K2 Extreme Undergarment (over a $400-value).
- Buy any in-stock drysuit (new or refurbished) and get a free Waterproof hood or Fourth Element Hotfoot Pro Socks, along with the above deal, when relevant.
- Buy a p-valve, and your first five condom catheters are on us. If you don’t use condom catheters, you just got yourself a very interesting stocking stuffer for the holidays.
- Purchase of any in-stock, one-piece undergarment comes with a free pair of Xerotherm or G1 glove liners.
- 20%-off all in-stock Fourth Element Hydroskin rash guards, top and/or bottom.
- 35%-off all in-stock Aropec, OSR, Northern Diver, and other overstock wet suits.
- Buy any new, in-stock, one-piece undergarment, and get a free pair of G1 glove liners.
- Buy a set of Fourth Element Halo AR glove liners (the warmest liner ever conceived, probably) and get 50%-off a pair of Xerotherm liners, or a free set of KUBI liners.
Swimmy-Breathy (Regulators & BC’s)
- Buy any complete BP&W system, and receive four trim pockets completely free.
- Buy any new or used stage cylinder and a stage regulator (first and second stage, 40″ LP hose, Thinline SPG, and 6″ HP hose) and receive free PADI Stage Diver tuition, free first fill (air or nitrox), and free MOD stickers (over $450 of freeee tuition!)
- Buy any deco/stage regulator (1st & 2nd stage, 40″ LP hose) and get the 6″ HP hose and Thinline SPG for free! Want to get a deco/stage regulator? Because this is about as cheap as you can get one for.
- Buy two Limited Edition Cerakote/Anodized Dual-Face BAR/PSI SPGs, and get a Dual-Face Thinline Stage SPG for free!
Accoutrements & Accessories
- Buy a Focus 2.0 Primary Light, and get 50% off a Flare EXP HH 2.6aH primary light (over a $400 discount, and you get a skookum primary light, and a backup primary for a pocket, save-a-dive crate, or for dual-wielding primary lights.
- The world is your very well-lit oyster. And you’re the pearl. And the lights are the lights.
- Everyone knows you can’t be slammin’-jammin’-movin’-and-groovin’ without skookum lights.
- Isn’t that right, Mike?
- Buy over 34 lbs of any hard lead (new or reclaimed) and get a free weight bag.
- Buy a DPV and we’ll teach you how to use it. Purchase of an in-stock, new or used DPV, comes with free PADI DPV Diver tuition!
- Free pair of swim goggles with the purchase of any water shoe, snorkeling set, or snorkel-mask.
- Free double-ender with the purchase of any set of wet notes.
- Buy any new or used set of doubles, in-stock or special order, and get half-off a PADI Doubles diver tuition, and your first fill is free (or 50%-off for trimix).
- Buy any SMB and get an Aropec spool for 50%-off.
- Buy two, get a third free, on all stainless hardware.
- Free piece of stainless hardware must be equal or lesser value of the other two pieces.
- Back, Back, Back It Up
- Buy any new scuba or freediving mask, and get a second mask for 50%-off.
- Free stainless hardware with purchase of any back-up light.
- Free stainless hardware with purchase of any standalone back-up mask.
- Same rules as the stainless hardware deal, regarding discount items and freebies.
Freediving Equipment
- 15%-off any in-stock freediving float, and a free bottom plate with every float sold.
- Want a solid set of beater fins for practice, pool work, or as a loaner pair for a buddy? Any and all pairs of pre-assembled, plastic fins are just $69, or $99, depending on the set. That’s a minimum of a 25% discount!
- Make/models include BARE, Oceanic, Cressi, and Umberto fins.
- Limited to in-stock inventory.
- 20%-off in-stock Cressi and SEAC 5mm and 7mm apnea wetsuits (must purchase both top and bottom).
- 15%-off premium apnea backstock 7mm wetsuits. These are high-end Yamamoto suits that were either returned, were the wrong size, or were special orders that were never picked up. They’re all high-end suits and functionally brand-new.
- Buy any freediving weight belt with a weight-keeper d-ring, and you get one free 60-second window (to be used at your discretion) where you can chase Mike with the belt and whap him with it.
- Absolutely no contact with the face or groin.
- 60-second time limit must be initiated by loudly proclaiming “It’s a-paddling time, ya scurvy Sea Dog!”
- Mike is allowed to defend himself with a comparable freediving belt, but is not entitled to being supplied with said belt prior to the commencement of the 60-second window.
- No items (including the weight keeper d-ring) may be on the belt when used for whapping.
- Mike would probably ask that you don’t use the buckle-side of the belt during the 60-second window, but that would imply that we told him that this was going to be one of the deals, and we absolutely did not.
- Under no circumstances can Mike be substituted for any other staff member.
- If 10 or more people buy weight belts because of this, we will make Mike an official Staff Profile page on our website as a celebration. This is long-overdue, as we normally do this at the One Year mark, so if you think about it, you’re really doing him a favor.
- You do not need to explain this sale to Mike. He will figure it out eventually. Probably.
Training & Rental
- Buy 3 drop-in pool sessions for $25 each, and get the 4th session free!
- Drop-in includes pool fee and air tank rental for the session.
- Purchase a full freediver kit (any in-stock apnea wetsuit, mask, fins, weight belt, gloves, and socks) and get $100-off a PADI Freediver Tuition and free student learning materials.
- Buy any new or used set of doubles, in-stock or special order, and get half-off a PADI Doubles diver tuition, and your first fill is free (or 50% for trimix).
- Buy any new or used stage cylinder and a stage regulator (AL40 or AL80, stage rigging, first and second stage, 40″ LP hose, Thinline SPG, and 6″ HP hose) and receive a free PADI Stage Diver tuition, free first fill (air or nitrox), and free MOD stickers (over a $450 value)!
- Buy any new or used set of doubles, in-stock or special order, and get half-off a PADI Doubles diver tuition, and your first fill is free (or 50% for trimix).
- Buy a DPV and we’ll teach you how to use it. Purchase of an in-stock, new or used DPV, comes with free PADI DPV Diver tuition!
- Buy Josh an industrial-sized bucket full of Aunt Jemima Syrup and you can watch a grown man drink straight maple-syrup product with a straw. We wish this was a joke.
Miscellaneous
Jumpin’ Jack Flash Is a Gas-Gas-Gas
- Buy One, Get One Free on Nitrox and Air Fill cards, no limits or expiration.
- Buy Two, Get Three on Deco Gas cards, no limits or expiration.
- Buy Three, Get Four on Trimix cards, no limits or expiration.
- $750-off any in-stock, portable compressor.
- $350 portable Poseidon compressor
- This thing runs and builds pressure, but should only be used for filling paintball tanks, or similar.
- $10 decommissioned AL80 cylinders.
- We promise you can’t service these; they come condemned, but make great projects. Or deck pilings. For all those mid-winter deck projects.
Ye Olde Tool Tyme
- 20-35%-off all in-stock Citizen dive watches.
- 15%-off any in-stock SpyderCo knife.
- We are down to our final six Dive Alaska “Just. Go. Diving.” 6″ Titanium Spanner Wrenches. Buy one of these limited, final edition wrenches for $209.00, and get a free set of wetnotes, or DivePRO Multi-Tool.
- Buy any drysuit inflation set-up (mounting straps, argon/drysuit regulator, and a AL06 inflation cylinder), and get either:
- a free transfill-whip, or;
- an LP72 for topping off, for just $125.00.
- LP72 comes with either a free air fill, or a $50 argon fill.
We are also going to go through and dig out a TON of loose ends, last-edition/model products that are brand new and lonely (lonely for you to take them home), and have them staged and set aside, and priced to get them the Ever-Fricking, Gol-Dern Heck Outta Here.
- We’re talking knives, spear guns, SMB’s, lift bags, BC accessories, boots, gloves, masks, tools…. you name it.
- Our desire for shiny, clean, and organized is literally stronger than the reality of the fact that we exist as a business to sell things.
- This pile is not about existing. It’s about getting us clean. And getting u scoob.
We Don’t Know If These Deals Count As “Actionable Threats” But We Are Saying Them Like They Aren’t. Also, Just Bribes.
Title is pretty self-explanatory.
For those that don’t know, we tend to crowd-source these newsletters to staff, and then consolidate the tangents, ramblings, and borderline-hazing, into emails. They don’t always make sense, a lot of them are inside jokes, and some may toe the line between “sale” and “tangible threat”, but we are SeaPeople, and SeaPeople keep their word.
So, without further ado, and with the caveat that these don’t all make sense (even to the people who wrote them):
- Spend $10,000 and you get to shave J.D. This includes eyebrows. We aren’t joking.
- If you don’t want to shave him, he will do it himself.
- Bring Josh a box of donuts (preferably unadulterated) and receive 10%-off any set of student learning materials.
- Buy Mike a book on philosophy or self-reflection, and you can either:
- Hit him with it.
- Hit him with an orange (we provide the orange)
- Get 50%-off any single item of Dive Alaska-branded apparel (t-shirts, rash guards, mask straps, etc)
- Bring J.D. a box of protein bars and get 10%-off any single Scubapro product.
- Buy Ron any pair of “Gas Station Power-Ups” and get one of the following:
- A transfill whip for $79.00
- Free oxygen or deco gas fill with the purchase of an AL80 or AL40 (new or used)
- Phillips Home Gas Booster for $500
- $50-off the aforementioned emergency oxygen kits
- $1,000-off the yellow, portable, electric compressor on the showroom floor.
- A “Gas Station PowerUp” is any substance legally purchased in a gas station that seems aimed at long-haul truckers or night-shift workers.
- This sale specifically was added under duress of the editor and does not reflect his views or desires. Whoever that is.
- Bring Eric a pack of beef jerky and get 25%-off any gear rental (one day or weekend only).
- Beat J.D. in a habanero eating contest and get a free Doubles Diver or Stage Diver Tuition.
- To play this game, you have to sign up for the class at cost of retail, prior to starting the contest.
- You have to bring ya’ own peppas.
- Winners receive free tuition for the course.
- Losers receive free doubles or stage rental for their course.
- If J.D. throws up, you get to spray him with ketchup. We will provide the ketchup.
- As with any Dive Alaska sale event, challenge any staff member to a game of “DIVE” (played like HORSE), on the basketball hoop in the warehouse, and make your own sale or wager.
- Bring Randy any Buffalo Bills apparel and get a $50 credit towards any non-diving course. Bring him Buffalo Bears apparel (must be officially branded from the NFL store or an official team channel) and the course is free.
- Bring Jamesson any sort of Jeep memorabilia and get one free air fill or 32% fill. Must be used day-off exchange.
- Alex is back in town for a PADI Instructor Development Course. He leaves on Thanksgiving. We aren’t entirely sure of his schedule. If you can bring us a lock of his hair (lock must be over 3″ long and thicker than a wood pencil), we will just give you $25 in cash.
- Limit one lock per person.
- Hair must verifiably belong to Alex prior to its removal from his noggin’.
- If you can bring us his pony tail, we will frame it like a hunting trophy with your name on it for posterity.
Holiday Shop Hours (The Eve’s, Christmas, New Year’s)
Alrighty, in the spirit of clarity, no ad-libbing or narrating… here’s holiday hours.
- Thanksgiving Day (Thursday, November 26th): Closed
- Christmas Eve (Tuesday, December 24th): 10:00 AM to 5:00 PM
- Christmas Day (Wednesday, December 25th): Closed
- New Year’s Eve (Tuesday, December 31st): 10:00 AM to 5:00 PM
- New Year’s Day (Wednesday, January 1st): Closed
Basically, we’re closing at 5:00 PM on the “Eve’s” and we’re closed on the actual holiday. Everything else is the same.
Get u holi-dazed.
Selah.
Jingle All the Way (2 Sum Shop Events)
Cuz’ of the holidays, some of our normal events (Monthly Mixers, etc) have had a little tweaking. If you’ve sifted through the rest of the chaff in this email, here is a brief and straight-forward respite of information dumping.
Jingle, jingle.
- Uno de Dos Monthly Holiday Mixer Mojo Dojo Casa Supreme: 5:00-7:00 PM, Wednesday, November 26th
- This is a Monthly Mixer on a non-standard date. Becuz holi-daze.
- Last Day of the Great Unicorn Hunt: Monday, December 1st
- Our annual treasure hunt in Smitty’s Cove, Monday, December 1st is the last day to turn in any-and-all prizes. If you’re not sure what this entails…. stop by and find out. We will learn u sum unicorn hunt.
- Dos de Dos Monthly Holiday Mixer Mojo Dojo Casa Supreme: 5:00-7:00 PM, Friday, December 26th
- This is a Monthly Mixer on a non-standard date. Becuz holi-daze.
- Seward Polar Bear Jump (with Cancer Society of America): Saturday/Sunday, January 17-18, 2026
- An all-volunteer event aimed to help support the Cancer Society of America during their annual fundraiser. Ask for more details. We usually have a dedicated “liason” but the author of this segment doesn’t know who it is at time-of-writing. Mysteries, yay!
- Whittier Harbor Cleanup: Saturday, February 7th, 2026
- Self-explanatory. Prizes, Type 2 fun, and community collaboration on the coast. Eskit it.
Basically, we’re closing at 5:00 PM on the “Eve-s” and we’re closed on the actual holiday. Everything else is the same.
Get u holi-dazed.
Selah.
Winter Formal…. Class Offering (For Offered Classes)
We keep telling everybody that winter is the best time to dive in Alaska. If you don’t believe us, go take a look at the visibility in Smitty’s right now.
This here’s a non-exhaustive list of the classes that Dive Alaska will be running through the end of the year. The dates are a range; these aren’t full days.
Unless you want ’em to be.
- Advanced OW Diver: Saturday, November 22nd – Sunday, November 23rd
- EFR and Emergency Oxygen Provider: Monday, December 1st
- Advanced OW Diver: Tuesday, December 2nd – Wednesday, December 3rd
- Open Water Diver (Referral and Full Certification): Starting Wednesday, December 3rd– Sunday, December 14th
- Ice Diver: Friday, December 12th – Sunday, December 14th
- Drysuit Diver: Thursday, December 11th – Sunday, December 14th
- PADI Freediver: Wednesday, December 17th – Saturday/Sunday, December 20th / 21st
- Open Water Diver (Referral and Full Certification): Starting Monday, December 29th
- This is a non-standard schedule, for anyone who struggles to make our “template” schedule work.
Want to know more, or don’t see a class you would like to take? Let us know, and let’s go diving!